


The Son Of Lee Donghae

by Tiefgelegte_Hochstaplerin



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Kid Fic, born out of a writing experiment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 11:25:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6077583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiefgelegte_Hochstaplerin/pseuds/Tiefgelegte_Hochstaplerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shaking Donghae took the next picture. On every one this boy looked at him – laughing, grinning, pouting, surprised, angry. A laugh escaped his mouth when he saw the little boy running around in an oversized ACDC shirt that dragged over the floor. He affectionately viewed the child’s face. It was a given: Kim Kyung Seok was his son. -- An ex-girlfriend, her sister, past times of an upcoming debut, decisions and the story about a six year old secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Son I've Never Seen

**Author's Note:**

> And hi :3  
> This little story is nearly four years old by now. As you can see in the summary and title, the topic is not a surprise. I experimented with how-much-story-can-you-get-in-between-a-dialog-without-switching-the-location and that came out.
> 
> First warning: English is not my first language and I never became friends with tenses in school. So all the tenses are surely messed up. If you can help with it you will be my Jesus.
> 
> Second warning: I like Super Junior but I’m not very familiar with their characters so Donghae is likely to be ooc. I apologize for it.
> 
> Third…not really warning but notification: I bolded the dialog so it will be easier to look up what was said last. I give this help because I know how distracting the parts in between can be and now you don’t have to search half an eternity to find the last sentence.
> 
> Then I have nothing left to do but to wish you fun while reading :3

The little café lay hidden between the buildings of a side road where the hectic world of a metropolis was suspended from. A little bit nervous as every time Donghae opened the door which announced his arrival with quiet ringing of bells. He removed his sunglasses and cap, the same old waiter as always pointed at the door in the back of the café. He knew who Donghae was – or better: he knew what Donghae wanted here, not that he was an idol.

Donghae nodded his thanks and entered said room he had become so familiar with in the past years. The sofa with the slightly sunken cushion, a little coffee table before it, and then another worn out sofa which invited to stay. But even more familiar he was with the person sitting on one of the sofas and who was now standing up to great him.

**“Sorry for the delay”** Donghae grinned impishly and hung his jacket. Kim Chi Young shook her head.

**“Better shut up before I change my forgiving mind”** she replied playfully. They looked at each other for a moment and Chi smiled gently. **“I’m glad you came nonetheless.”** With that the friends hugged each other. A hug that always promised Donghae pain and happiness at the same time.

**“I always come for my little one. You know this”** Donghae said in a serious tone and Chi detached herself from the hug.

**“I didn’t expect less from you”** she patted against his arm before they sat down on the sofas. **“I’m always appalled by how fast a year is over. It seems like yesterday that we met here for the first time.”**

Donghae nodded. It frightened him how many years had passed since they started their meetings. Chi understood his silence and reached into the bag beside her. She pulled out a thick envelope and everything in Donghae tensed. She held in her hands what made him suffer every time anew while it made him happy all the same. Chi opened the envelope and pulled out a pack of photographs.

**“That’s a few pictures I haven’t send you yet”** she said and handed him the glossy paper. Avidly Donghae grabbed them and leaned back into the soft cushion he always threatened to sink into. Almost instantly, when he looked at the first photo, his heart tightened and he fought with tears. A little boy laughed at him, dressed in the jacket Donghae had send him three months ago.

Shaking he took the next picture. On every one this boy looked at him – laughing, grinning, pouting, surprised, angry. A laugh escaped his mouth when he saw the little boy running around in an oversized ACDC shirt that dragged over the floor. He affectionately viewed the child’s face. It was a given: Kim Kyung Seok was his son. A son he had seen only on photos and videos since his birth – for six years.

Only one thing of his face wasn’t from Donghae. Absentmindedly the idol ran his finger over it. **“They’re her eyes”,** Chi said as if she had read his thoughts and her voice was tainted with a mix of pain and happiness, the same Donghae felt and that choked them both. “ **Every time he looks at me with big doe eyes or when he suddenly appears in my sight, I want to call her name again.”**

Donghae couldn’t break his eyes away from the photographs but he knew that Chi was sitting with crossed legs and arms, starring at the table. A posture that revealed her wish to hide from the resulting pain. And he understood this wish. Every time he noticed which steps he had missed in his son’s life the pain and the guilt became nearly unbearable.

**“He asked for your next letter”,** Chi brought Donghae back to the here and now. **“Your last one was two months ago and he misses you.”** Donghae smiled sadly. Photographs and letters, everything to not leave a noticeable digital trace for SME.

**“I miss him too, Chi. I just want to hold him in my arms and never let him go. I don’t want to miss another step in his life like I did the past years.”** His vision blurred under a mist of tears. **“Eun Hye certainly didn’t imaged this. I let not only her but also Kyung Seok down.”**

Pain shot through his body when he enunciated the name of his ex-girlfriend. They had been young, naïve and in love. Especially the last one was without a doubt in spite of everything that had happened.

**“She had seen it coming”** , Chi whispered. **“And you don’t disappoint Kyung. He knows that your job prevents everything. For the moment he’s fine with letters and photos you send him and the little presents. But I’m not sure for how long it will be like this.”**

Letters, photos, short videos, presents. His son didn’t know him personally, never had met him in real life. When he had become four years old they had used a video chat, even though Donghae was on the verge of crying the whole time. This little cheerful boy deserved a father who was there for him day and night, not the one who didn’t took care of him for the past six years.

**“I wonder if he will recognize me as his father should we ever meet”** , Donghae spoke out on his doubts and finally lifted his gaze to Chi again who smiled at him understandingly. Generally she showed a lot of patience and understanding for his situation. Back then, when they had met, he wouldn’t had reckoned that they would built such a strong friendship let alone everything that happened afterwards.

Chi was a dancer and choreographer. She and Donghae became acquainted with each other seven years ago when he had still been a trainee but shortly before the debut with Super Junior. She had replaced the ill choreographer of the group so there was no disturbance in learning the dance routine. Maybe things would be different now if Chi’s sister wouldn’t have appeared on the first day to pick Chi up. Donghae didn’t deny that he found Chi attractive but Eun Hye had left a mark on their first encounter. With that, the whole drama had started.

**“I would be surprised when not”,** Chi replied. **“Every time he sees you on the television at home, he turns around to me and says proudly: ‘That’s my appa!’. Your face will always be the face of his father.”** She grinned at the thought of Kyung and even Donghae laughed shortly when he imaged the situation that warmed his heart. This unconscious affirmation from his son meant incredibly much to him.

He put the photos aside and watched his friend starring at the pack of pictures. **“Sometimes I don’t know what to think anymore”** , she said after a while. **“Since six months he calls me umma though he knows I’m his aunt. And he asked me if I couldn’t become your wife so he also has two parents.”** Her right hand clung to her forearm and distress lay in her eyes. Donghae knew what she was thinking.

Kyung never really had got to know his mother. Eun Hye had died two months after his birth in a car accident. Chi had taken him under her wings like her sister had wanted it, even though their parents thumped the right of custody. In their eyes Chi wasn’t the right company and Donghae least of all.

**“Eun Hye once told me to become like a mother for him. A mother she couldn’t be because she couldn’t stop sleeping with all those men.”** Chi’s eyes watered the first time. Overall Donghae had seen her really crying just once and that was during the funeral of her sister. Chi was inherently a very self-controlled person, down-to-earth and gentle. The complete opposite to her sister who always had been cocky and had made hasty actions.

**“But I never pictured me to replace her.”** For Chi it would be betrayal of her sister who stood by her side even after Chi was ostracized from the family. Eun Hye had asked neither her father nor her mother to be present during the delivery. Her request was aimed at Chi who herself always had been at her side although she had suffered under Eun Hye. Their parents had favored her and declared her perfect in everything. All the time they had compared Chi to her younger sister who never tried to stop this injustice. Still, Chi never could bring herself to hate her sister for it. A fact Donghae admired.

**“You don’t replace her. Kyung never really knew Eun Hye. Which mother should you replace for him?”,** Donghae tried to spirit her up. Chi had been the one who had called him with Eun Hye’s consent to inform him that he was a father now. If he could had, he would had come straight to the hospital but SM Entertainment and his upcoming carrier put a spoke in his wheel. SM knew about his son but barred Donghae from standing by him in public because it would ruin the image. Back then his carrier appeared more important to him than now. Chi had helped him get over his guilt and doubts in the past years and now he wanted to return the support – not in the usual monetary terms to help her taking care of Kyung.

Chi just shook her head, repressing her upcoming tears. Sometimes Donghae wondered why he cried because Chi had it much harder than him. For six years she – as a single woman in South Korea – took care of the child of her beloved deceased sister and her best friend. Emotionally she demanded a great deal of herself, more than Donghae did. But then, she always said that you couldn’t compare their situations.

**“You’re a good mother, you know this. So just give in. You will not prevent it anyway that you’re a mother for him. Even if he doesn’t say it. The same way he sees a father in me, he sees a mother in you. He is a child that wants two parents like everybody else. That’s understandable.”**

Donghae didn’t say anything about his son’s wish that he and Chi should get together. Chi wouldn’t be able to bear it, not just to snatch the mother role away from her sister but also the ex-boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend Eun Hye had loved. When they had ended this turbulent relationship, Eun Hye had said to him that it shouldn’t had been. Donghae was too occupied with his training and upcoming debut to have time for her, and she couldn’t stop cheating though she never had feelings for all the other guys. But still there never was a doubt that Kyung was Donghae’s son.

**“God, something’s wrong here”** , he suddenly heard Chi utter a brief laugh and she wiped over her face to disperse her emotional distress. **“I should stand at your side and not the other way around…Kyung begged me to give you this.”** With that she rummaged around in her back for another paper and gave it to Donghae. It was a childish painting of two humans – one big and one small – who seemed to dance together. At the top Chi had written what Kyung meant to draw:  >> Appa and I <<

**“Dancing is incredible fun for him and sometimes he even participates when I teach others a choreography. He can’t await it to dance with you someday.”** A content smile lay on her face again and Donghae was happy to hear that his son shared the same passion with him.

**“I’m not surprised at all. I mean, most of the time you’re in some dance studios. It was just a matter of time for him to pick dancing up”** Donghae replied grinning. The depressing atmosphere from the start vanished. **“Where is he now?”** Sometimes Chi was forced to leave Kyung with his grandparents so they two could meet. From her talking Kyung didn’t seemed to be too enthusiastic about it.

**“He’s with Hyeong. After all, his self-appointed uncle has enough time to play with him”** Chi explained and looked relieved. She and her parents still weren’t on good terms and Hyeong was a close friend of Chi who took a great fancy to Kyung.

For a moment they fell silent and Donghae observed his son’s painting. He hadn’t told Chi yet what he planned to do or rather what he wanted to risk in three weeks. He cleared his throat before he put the picture aside and looked Chi firmly in the eyes.

**“Kyung’s school enrolment is in three weeks, right?”** he assured himself first. Chi nodded.

**“He already asked if you’ll come…”** She didn’t needed to say more for Donghae to know that his son desired this eagerly but didn’t seem to have a chance to hope for it.

**“Then tell him that I will be there”** he smiled and Chi looked at him surprised.

**“Come again?”** she asked disbelieving.

**“I didn’t know that of late you were hard of hearing, Chi. I said, that I will come. I’m free that week and I don’t want to miss more of Kyung’s life. So I decided that I will just show up there”** Donghae repeated and saw the glow in Chi’s eyes.

**“That…does SM know?”** Of course this was her first thought. She knew why Donghae never visited Kyung. **“You risk everything you established!”**

**“I know but I’m not a little boy anymore, Chi. I learned new things and realised that I may can rebuilt my carrier again. But I can’t start anew with my son. What I have missed, I have missed. That doesn’t come back. And even if SM kicks me out when the public knows about it then I will know that I have done the right thing. I would get a normal job and move closer to you two. My family is more important than the money or the fame.”**

Chi seemed to be on the verge of crying but sat frozen on the couch. **“What? No caper of joy?”** Donghae teased. Before he could realise it Chi was on him and hugging him.

**“** **You’re an idiot.** **Do you know this?”** she snivelled and Donghae closed his arms around her. Even he felt the weight that fell off Chi’s shoulders and he knew that the ‘idiot’ was for his teasing. He just told her that she wasn’t alone in this anymore and that he would stand by his son in public no matter what happens. A warm wave rolled through his body and he felt lighter than ever.

**“Yeah, but even idiots want to be there for their family”** Donghae replied quietly and simply held Chi in his arms while tears rose to his eyes – tears of joy.

When he will be home he would need to tell everything his friends so they would understand why SM kicks him out. They probably wouldn’t accuse him. Eunhyuk would be pissed that he wasn’t told earlier. But that didn’t matter now. They would back him up, he was sure about it. And what did he want more than holding his son and be the father for him he always wanted to be?

The first time in six years the meeting didn’t ended with guilt or pain but an anticipating prickle in their stomachs.


	2. The Son Who Becomes Part Of My Life

„Can I go like this?” Nervously Donghae fumbled around at his collar and looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans and a white shirt. Over his desk chair hung the jacket he wanted to throw over it. Today was the day!

“Approved!” Eunhyuk who was sitting on the bed grinned. Since an hour Donghae was staring at himself in the mirror, nervous, insecure, but full of anticipation. For the umpteenth time he shook his wrists out and sighed to get rid of the tension – it didn’t work so well.

Today was the day he would stand before his son for the first time. He would be able to finally hug his son after six years. He would be able to attend his school enrolment and like his parents he would be proud to watch his son get in the first class and befriending the first other children. Chi hat promised not to tell Kyung anything – it should be a surprise. But even with Chi assuring him that Kyung loves him and definitely wants to see him, Donghae was afraid that his son would push him away in the end. That he would be disappointed and Donghae wouldn’t be able to bear to see the hurt eyes of his son.

“Okay…” Donghae said and finally turned away from the mirror. He didn’t had much time left to get to Chi in time. Hastily he put on his jacket. Yes, he could go like this. Semi-formal always was fine and Chi had said she would go semi-formal dressed herself, even though this had more to do with her personality.

“Don’t worry, he will not bite you” Eunhyuk laughed and hopped off the bed. Donghae smiled at this statement. His band members took it surprisingly well when he had told them the truth three days ago. Some had looked at him as if they’d lost faith in everything. Leeteuk had shed a few tears in the end but Eunhyuk had been pissed because he believed he – out of all people – should have been told earlier. After nearly a whole day of talking and a little fighting, Eunhyuk honestly joined the other’s expression of support.

When Donghae stepped into the corridor Leeteuk and Kangin were waiting there. Everybody else was already in the SM building, training. Kangin would drive Donghae to Chi and Leeteuk stayed out of solitary reasons, smiling brightly at Donghae. “I’m so proud of you, Hae”, he said and hugged the younger one. “Whatever you need, we will help you. If you get into any trouble, call us. We’ll be there immediately”, he further assured him.

“Thanks, hyung.”, Donghae smiled. Sometimes he wasn’t sure how he deserved such friends. Without them he would have given up so many times. Eunhyuk gave him an encouraging smile and an euphoric cheer, then Donghae left the dorm with Kangin.

In the car he hopped around in his seat, kneading his hands nervously. He hoped he wouldn’t start crying as soon as he would see Kyung, like back then in the video chat. Inwardly he made every kind of relaxation exercises he knew but nothing helped against his nervousness and the overly wide grin on his face.

 

 

Half an hour later Kangin stopped in front of a multi-storeyed apartment building and Donghae breathed out noisily while looking at it. The point of no return. Not that he wanted! Kangin patted his back. “You got this. Don’t forget, he is your son. He loves you no matter what.” Donghae laughed half-heartedly, but thanked Kangin nonetheless and finally stepped out of the car.

The bell button with Chi’s name on it was found fast and he pressed it. It felt like he waited hours for a reaction then there was Chi’s voice through the intercom system: “Come up.” She sounded amused and full of anticipation, pressed the buzzer and Donghae entered the cool staircase. To get rid of his excess energy he ran up the stairs.

But even like this he reached the level too fast. He was torn between fear and happiness. “Calm down, Donghae”, he mumbled and his legs felt like jelly while he went to Chi’s door. His hand trembled when he rang the bell.

“Kyung, please open the door!”, he heard Chi’s dull voice. His heartbeat stopped, raced on. She didn’t just said this, right? This little, mean…hero. Donghae heard soft steps behind the door and swallowed dry. Just a few seconds and he would see Kyung personally for the first time. He prayed that his little one would not push him away.

If he had waited hours before the intercom system, it now felt like years until he heard the door being unlocked. To slow for his fancy the door finally opened. “Yes?”, he heard the voice of a young boy and Donghae felt the tears coming. The first time he heard Kyung’s voice unfiltered.

“Hey, little one?”, Donghae forced himself to grin nonetheless and big children eyes starred at him. _Please, please, recognize me!_ , Donghae pleaded inside. He had milliseconds to register that Kyung’s hair had been cut and that he already wore his school uniform, then just one word rang through the staircase:

“APPA!” Donghae thought his heart would burst from happiness. The relieving, loving call brought him to his knees. The little boy threw his arms around his neck. “Appa, you really came!” Kyung Seok was so glad, Donghae couldn’t hold back his tears. Kyung recognized him, he hugged him. How should he be able to bear this? Oh god, how?

“Yeah, I came. I couldn’t miss your school enrolment”, Donghae replied with tear-choked voice and pressed his son closer to him. For the first time he felt the little body, could comb through the unmanageable hair with his fingers. Yeah, he had become taller and Donghae got all choked up when he thought about all the things he had missed in Kyung’s life.

“Appa, what’s wrong?”, Kyung’s voice brought him back to reality. His son gave him a worried look but Donghae just smiled reassuringly and fought back his tears. This expression in Kyung’s eyes called forth memories of Eun Hye.

“Nothing. I’m just happy to see you”, he said. With that Kyung already turned towards the apartment and pulled Donghae along.

“Chi-umma! Chi-umma, Appa is here. He’s here. My wish came true!”, he shouted triumphantly, hardly after the door closed. Donghae laughed happily about it.

“That’s awesome”, Chi smiled when she came out of the living room and Kyung hugged her as if he knew that she had something to do with it. Chi looked at Donghae with happiness and gratitude, and her best friend beamed back like the sun himself. Kyung detached himself from her and clasped his father’s hip with a satisfied expression. His father, his hero, was here.

“Now I have two parents, just like other children”, he laughed happily and his smile competed with his father’s one. Chi stood up. She wore a blue-white dress that touched her knees and felt in soft forms down her body. Over that she threw on a fitting bolero. Her hair was slightly curled and she even had put on a little make up. Donghae’s stomach tingled even more.

“I’m glad you came”, Chi said and hugged Donghae as greeting. In her voice lay the fear she had have that the management could have found out about this and prevented it. Even her eyes were lit with joy, though she couldn’t keep up with father and son. Donghae felt like he was living inside a big, bright, warm bubble of bliss. It nearly felt like…family.

“Now hurry up and get ready, Kyung. Or we will be late”, Chi shooed the little boy back to the bathroom to at least try to tame his hair with a brush. Kyung looked at his father. “He will not disappear, don’t worry. And now go.” Kyung ran into the bathroom. Donghae watched him with a smile.

“He grew quite a bit”, he said and Chi nodded.

“Time seems to flying by when they’re young”, she responded. “You’re quite a sight, by the way.”

“You too.” Chi smiled…somewhat grateful. Donghae hugged her. “Thank you”, he said and she ran her fingers through her hair.

“I have to thank you for really coming. I know that this wasn’t – and isn’t – an easy step”, she turned him down while returning the hug.

“I promised, didn’t I?”, Donghae grinned and Chi needed to agree with a smirk. They detached from each other and for a little second they simply looked in each other’s eyes. Donghae wanted to hug Chi again but resisted. Since when has this need become so strong? When had he stopped to feel just deep respect and friendship?

“Done!”, a beaming Kyung announced while nearly jumping out of the bathroom.

“About time”, Chi teased. “So, and through the door. We have to hurry a bit.” Fondly she shooed father and son to the door, so they could slip on their shoes, and finally down to the car. Kyung bounced up and down in the backseat where Donghae sat with him.

 

 

Luckily they came good through the traffic and on the end they were even on time. It was enough time to find a parking lot which wasn’t the easiest task, considering that they weren’t the only family coming – although they probably were the smallest. Chi’s parents had refused to come because it wasn’t a popular school and because of Donghae. Still, Kyung starred at the outlines of the school building with big doe eyes. Donghae tousled through his hair so that he came back to reality and hopped out of the car.

Chi also got out of the car and opened the trunk. Kyung wanted to start running but she stopped him. “Don’t you want to take a short look inside your satchel first?”, she asked grinning. Kyung’s eyes became even bigger. Donghae hadn’t thought about something like this at all, but wasn’t far behind with his excitement when Chi brought up some kind of a backpack with Superman on it – a so western gesture that her parents would breathe fire and brimstone.

“Uwaaah!”, Kyung cried out and his eyes sparkled.

“Congratulations to your first day at school.” Chi gave him a kiss on his forehead. Donghae was pulled out of his thoughts by this and hastily repeated the words. Chi gave him an amused look. “Should I buy you a satchel too?”, she grinned and Donghae nodded keenly which made Chi laugh.

Kyung rummaged through the backpack – school supplies, sweets and other little presents – until he found an action figure and, verbally marvelling, pulled it out. “Thank you, Umma!”, he shouted and hugged Chi as good as possible with his satchel over his arm. “Thank you, Appa!” He also hugged Donghae who hastily dismissed the gratitude.

“You only have to thank Chi for this”, he said but Kyung shook his head.

“But you came here.” Happily he grinned at his father who suppressed a sigh. Why did it seem like Kyung knew what he jeopardised at this moment?

“Kyung, can you give me back your satchel? You can’t take it with you inside”, Chi defused the situation. Kyung looked at her sad and disappointed, tighten his grip on the straps. “Look, you will have it back later. And for now you can take the little action figure with you, okay?”, Chi suggested as a deal. Kyung seemed torn.

“Okay”, he finally agreed, handed Chi his satchel which was stored away into the trunk again, and Kyung held his action figure firm and proud in his hand. He felt like the best and coolest boy of the school. This time it was Donghae who hurried them along. Kyung bounced a few meters in front of Chi and Donghae who followed.

“The backpack is awesome”, Donghae said. “Why can’t I have my first school day?” He pouted in good fun.

“Maybe you get one for your birthday”, Chi laughed and Chi beamed at her. But the next second Chi’s face became serious again. “Hae, are you still sure?” Her eyes pierced through him but Donghae simply nodded.

“I don’t leave Kyung again. I don’t want to go through this painful ignorance any longer. And he shouldn’t miss his father again.” Chi nodded slowly.

“I hope it’s clear in your mind that he will call us umma and appa the whole time and what the people will think.” Just like three weeks ago she felt uneasy about it. Donghae didn’t mind it, on the contrary. He liked this mental image of him and Chi being Kyung’s parents, simply because it was true. Chi didn’t raised Kyung like her nephew but like her son. She had every right to call herself his mother and Donghae didn’t abandon the hope that one day she would do so – because no matter what she said, she couldn’t deny that Kyung was a son for her.

“I don’t care. We and our friends know how things are. We don’t need to mind anything else. The management will try anything to ease the storm coming.”, he tried to cheer Chi up and put an arm around her shoulder. Chi smiled helplessly and unable to cope with this open gesture.

“What’s taking you so long?”, Kyung called impatiently. He still was meters in front of them.

“I’m coming and then I’m eating yooouuu”, Donghae laughed and ran up to his son who squealed and took to his heels. But he ended up behind Chi and tried to hide there. Giggling he poked his tongue out towards his father.

“Got you!”, Donghae exclaimed and lifted him to whirl him around. Both laughed and snickered.

“Umma!”, Kyung called out for help but Chi shook her head smiling.

They arrived at the school gate where a stream of people walked by, and Kyung took Donghae’s hand. Now he was pretty nervous… They took care of the registration (or better: the confirmation that they showed up) before they were directed to the gymnasium where the new students should gather. Kyung showed discomfort when a young female teacher approached them, behind her a whole bunch of kids in school uniform.

Chi greeted her politely. The teacher looked with a mix of sympathy and understanding at Kyung who had his hands full of Donghae’s hand and his action figure. Donghae hunkered down. He remembered his first school day too well and how nervous he had been back then.

“Hey, Kyung.” His son looked at him. “Don’t worry, nothing bad will happen. Believe me, they all are just as nervous as you. And you know, when you are up the stage, you just have to look out for umma and me. Everybody else is just a big fat rice sack.” Kyung snickered. “And your little superhero”, Donghae continued and took the action figure, “I put him in my pocket here so he can wave you.” He let the action figure slip into his front pocket of his jacket and adjusted the arms in a way the figure would hold itself like this, one arm up as if waving. Kyung snickered again, much more relaxed this time.

“So, Kyung, why don’t you join the others? It will start soon”, the teacher addressed him. Uncertainly Kyung looked at his father who nodded encouragingly and Chi smiled when he looked at her also. Then, as confident as possible, he went to the other children. Some of them gathered around him because they had seen the action figure.

“Come on, let’s go and find our places…Appa”, Chi winked and linked arms with Donghae. Silently they walked to the gymnasium and both noticed the astonishment of some people around them, as well as pulled out mobile phones and video cameras.

The gymnasium had been a little modified with rows of chairs set up towards a built stage. The procedure was clear. The principal would greet them, give them an overview of the school’s history. The new students would then line up on the stage while their names would be called out. After that they would be able to go to their parents and listen to the rest of the boring speech.

Chi and Donghae got hold of two seats in the front rows and waited silently. Donghae couldn’t help but eyeing up Chi from the side. Her eyes were focused on the stage but Donghae could still see the spark in them as well as the little happy smile on her lips. She didn’t differ from any of the other mothers around them, proudly attending their child’s first school day.

Still cameras were pointed at Donghae and he could hear his name whispered here and there. Chi also seemed to notice it because she turned towards Donghae and whispered behind a hand: “How do you deal with this? It’s terrible how they make photos and videos like some vulture.” Donghae pulled a grimace.

“Well, they leave us be for now. Nobody wanted an autograph so far”, he replied. Chi looked to the front again. They both would ignore it as far as possible and not let it destroy their good mood. The ceremony would start in a few minutes. Donghae was pretty restless. He never was able to imagine how his dad must have felt in this moment (and the thought of him still hurt), and now Donghae wanted to explode from all the emotions. Not just because it was the school enrolment of his own son but because he was here to experience it; because he was with his son for this and not just over webcam or photos. It was impossible for him to describe the whole body prickle, the pounding heart and the colossal grin.

Finally it started, the principal greeting the parents and the family attachment. He had a terrible monotone voice so Donghae tried really hard not to give in to sleep – kinda like back when he tried to blink fast in order to follow the teacher’s lecture instead of napping on his desk. Chi flashed him an amused glance more than once, one time pushing against his knee with hers for him to concentrate. However she managed to stay awake and interested.

Then finally, the children came up in the stage while their names were read aloud. Kyung stood between a girl and a boy. His eyes were searching for his father who slightly raised his hand to help him. Kyung reciprocated his father’s big grin. This greeting also passed fast and the children ran to their parents. What followed was a little chaotic pulling and sliding of chairs. Kyung hopped on his father’s lap.

It was a piece of work to keep Kyung still until the speech was over, after a few minutes he seemed to wanted to doze just like his father. Chi huffed, amused again, and smiled. Kyung and Donghae now were absorbed in their silent play with the action figure. Chi knew that her sister would love this image to bits and pieces if she could see it.

 

 

It took them three hours before they were back in Chi’s apartment. Kyung had played with a few children afterwards while Chi and Donghae had stayed amongst themselves. Donghae counted it as a lucky incident that nothing else than taking photos happened. Apparently the teenagers didn’t wanted to flip out in front of their parents and beg for an autograph like Donghae and his friends normally experienced it.

Chi ordered the dinner – nobody wanted to cook or wait too long – and then Kyung switched over to show Donghae his few toys and engrossed Donghae. After the food came, they gathered in the living room on the little couch and the armchair and watched Kyung’s favourite TV series along the way. But Kyung just had eyes for his father. Chi left them alone. They had to catch up some years and she didn’t want to disturb their time together. So it became Donghae’s job to put his son to bed.

Everything Chi heard in the living room was mumbling – one deep voice and one a little bit higher. It was odd to have another voice in the apartment, on the other hand it fitted. Truly, an odd feeling…almost like everything had fallen into place, and Chi didn’t know what to do with it.

Although she wasn’t interested in all those paddywhack news, she couldn’t hold herself back to turn one of these programmes on. She didn’t even know why exactly she did it. Donghae was right when he had said that it didn’t matter what others thought as long as they knew how things were. But how were things?

Chi was proved correct that Donghae was the number one topic. Photos of him with Kyung and Chi had found their way into the internet, together with a few videos and commentary under it. The news anchor (Chi had problems to call her that) couldn’t do more than speculate. For sure, people heard Kyung calling them “Appa” and “Umma” but wouldn’t that mean that Donghae would have become father around his debut? The scepticism seemed strong in the female’s voice. But Chi knew from own experience that people loved to believe the bad stuff really quick. It gave her collywobbles when she thought about the possible consequences for her and Kyung; now that there was an official connection between them and Donghae. There were stories about fans that frightened her.

Hastily Chi turned off the TV and waited until she heard Donghae’s steps. “What would I give for him to go so willingly when I’m putting him to bed”, she said when he came into the living room. With a satisfied smile he let himself fall on the couch but didn’t answered anything, just sighing as to belie Chi’s words. She snickered.

“Thanks”, she said quietly, unspoken: Thanks for accepting all the trouble you will have just for standing by your son; thanks for making him one of the happiest child of the world today. Donghae didn’t know what to say and simply smiled.

Chi took a book from the table while Donghae browsed through the Internet to check for the reactions on sites like twitter and to confirm the rumour before the management could disagree. The only he corrected was Chi’s role in the whole thing. Honestly spoken, he was afraid what was going to happen. It made him nervous to the bones that his manager hadn’t called yet. Would the entertainment kick him out under the disguise of him wanting to spend more time with his son? Surely they would need to take some actions, after all Kyung was an eyesore in his idol image – in their eyes at least. It wasn’t like he lied to Chi when he had said that he rather would like to be kicked out than leave Kyung alone again. His fear applied to his friends; that he wouldn’t see them again or rarely and that their bond would get lost. Donghae didn’t know if he was prepared for this sacrifice.

His mobile phone vibrated and notified him of a text. Puzzled by seeing that it was from Kyuhyun he opened it. _> >You own us. We had to locked the manager up in the broom closet and steal his mobile phone! Oh, and lovely greetings from everybody. The pictures speak volumes ;)<<_

Donghae snickered. Chi, who was absorbed in her book, caught his eye. It seemed ages ago that he saw her outside of their standard café and especially without the underlying strain that let her slightly furrow her brow constantly. And when he thought about his feelings when he hugged her hours ago in the corridor, the well-known question burned on his tongue.

“Do you think…” Donghae stopped, Chi looked up from her book and to him. “Do you think if Eun Hye hadn’t come on your first day…” He left the question open and hoped she understood what he meant. Normally they knew what the other thought but this was a day where everything had a nervous and anxious undertone. So he was anxious she didn’t understand.

Chi’s gaze left his face, focused on a point before her. Donghae nervously kneaded his hands. The tension lay thick between them. “I’m not sure…”, it came quietly from Chi, self-confidence missing in her voice and she still didn’t looked at Donghae. “We were at the start of our carriers. We would have met a few times probably, and then you would have met my sister before we would have even thought about a real date.”

Donghae agreed silently. Sounded coherent. The only reason why he and Eun Hye had been become a pair so fast, had been because of Eun Hye. He himself would have needed weeks, if not months. And yes, back then, Chi had had a lot of other things on her mind and had been (and Donghae believed still was) reclusive when it came to deeper interpersonal relationships.

“Would it have changed anything?”, they asked the next question in unison. For a moment they looked at each other before laughing. Then Chi’s eyes became sad again, the furrow of her brow came back. But the second passed really quickly.

“Of course it had!”, she said with a firm voice. “I would have named Kyung, Su min.” Donghae starred at her serious expression but then the corner of her mouth twitched and she started laughing. It wasn’t true. Kyung wouldn’t even exist and they maybe even wouldn’t be friends now. But it was a joke they could hide behind by laughing; could push every serious thought away for a moment. Donghae leaned back and sighed.

“They stole my manager’s mobile phone and locked him up in the broom chamber”, he snickered and Chi reciprocated. She didn’t ask what he meant to do when he will go back tomorrow – she knew he was at a loss. She didn’t ask if he was afraid – she was just as afraid as he. Everything she asked was if he wanted to sleep on the couch. They never saw a sense in the over polite gestures of giving up the bed for the guest. They had seen each other in their worst moments; in situations that had overpowered them. Some things weld together like nothing else: the death of a beloved person and the necessity to take care of another.

 

 

It was around midnight and Donghae fallen asleep on the couch. Chi, with whom he had talked until now, smiled. Kyung and he resembled each other so much, even when sleeping, and Chi got the feeling that she now had two kids under her roof.

For a moment she paused beside Donghae, looked at his sleeping frame and pain distorted her face. “You idiot”, she whispered and ran her finger over his forehead. “We would have a chance if I wouldn’t be such a coward.” Her voice broke and vocalised she felt the shame of her and her action. She went into her bedroom, locked the door and silently cried so she could look into Donghae’s face in the morning again.


End file.
